Real Love Shows, Romans 12:9-21

Last week we discovered that real love sacrifices self.  We saw how Jesus' life and message is totally contrary to the message of Western culture that says, "always follow your heart, if it feels good, do it," and so forth.  But living like that does not work in the real world.  All around us is the evidence of the damage caused by uncontrolled desire gone wild.

We see the breakdown of marriage and the family, both in the church & the world, in divorce, domestic violence, abuse, etc., which results in fewer marriages, lower birth rates, rising mental illness, & a lost sense of community and belonging.

We see the rise of scepticism toward the Bible, which claims that being a sceptic is the same as being an intellectual while implying that believing the Bible is not rational or anti-intellectual.  Everywhere there are doubters who have fallen for the serpent's original trick of deceit, who echo his words, "Did God really say...?"   That kind of talk just glorifies the ego of the one producing it.

We see increased greed in individuals, corporations, and governments.  The bottom line has become the be all, end all.  Many people and businesses focus on profit alone, which leads to job cuts, homelessness, and a host of other issues.  Such greed lends itself to corruption and entitlement at all levels of government as well.

Only Jesus presents us with a solution.  Jesus' self-sacrificial death on a cross not only gives us a pattern to follow, but power to enter into the process of becoming like Jesus because he lives.

Last week I asked, "If real love sacrifices self, then how can we begin to love with the self-sacrificial love of Jesus? What does it look like?

Paul describes what real love looks like in Roman 12:9-21 (Read).

What does Paul tell his readers about real love?  Real love is shown in attitudes and in actions.  I believe that is what Paul was getting at in this text.

There are three one another's in this passage. "Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honouring each other" (v. 10) & verse 16a "Live in harmony with each other."

From what Paul says: Real love is not make-believe.  Real love is not about pretending.  Real love is about showing brotherly love in attitude and action as is appropriate for people who belong together in God's household.

For Paul, those who have grasped the message of Jesus sacrificial love will hate anything less than self sacrificing love, recognising that shallow displays of love are not love at all, but the opposite; cold, cruel indifference.

Real love goes beyond merely being polite.  Real love goes deeper by investing, time, energy, and money into the lives of others for what is God's best for them. When we really love others, we will seek to build up & encourage, as well as, gently guiding them away from attitudes and actions which fall short of God's standard.

Real love includes treating others with respect.  When we respect others it is bound to show because we respect those of whom we have high opinions, we value, & admire.  When we respect others we treat them well.  In fact, we want to make sure that person is not ignored or disregarded. 

Respect also contributes to a harmonious atmosphere.  When we are respectful of others we won't behave in ways that communicate that we are self important know-it-all's.  Instead, we will think more highly of others than ourselves and honour others above ourselves as Paul said.

Real love stays focused on the ultimate recipient of our love, Jesus, even while loving others.  Jesus is the source of our spiritual energy, enthusiasm, or zeal.  If we lose sight of him, then our expressions of love to each other, as we serve, lose their energy.  We begin to look only at the imperfect fallen people we serve and become caught up in the imperfection and sin around us and within us.  We become lazy, discouraged, depressed, and negative.

Real love keeps Jesus in view by celebrating the hope we have in him, facing the momentary troubles of this brief life with patience, and cultivating the heart and mind to take a continual orientation to prayer.

This devotion should stir us up so that when we see a need among our Christian siblings real love will motivate us to meet that need or find ways to see the need met.

When we meet needs in our home, then we are practicing hospitality whether hosting a guest of the church or a member of the church.  When we receive someone into our home to meet a need it is the same as welcoming and entertaining Christ (Mat. 25:40).

In this passage, Paul not only deals with how real love should be demonstrated in the body of Christ, but also to those outside the fellowship of believers.

If we want the hostile world to stand up and take notice of our faith it needs to be demonstrated to them by the way we love.

When they realise that we have real love for each other, as well as them, then they have the opportunity to connect with the truth about the Christian faith.  Real love means real faith in the real God, who really sent his Son to really die, and who is really alive.

Paul charges believers to show their love to the world in several ways.

The believer is not to repay evil with more evil.  One cannot hate evil and use it as a means of payback at the same time.  Instead, the believer is to live an honourable life by doing what is right and doing all she/he can to live at peace with everyone.  The believer is not to be the cause or source of quarrelling, arguing or dissention.  Refuse to allow yourself to be an instigator of strife.

When the believer grows a reputation as a peacemaker that may result in others taking advantage.  According to Paul, when the believer is taken advantage of he/she must not retaliate in vengeance.  Just as the Scriptures say, "'Revenge belongs to me.  I will get payback,' says God." 

Revenge is an attempt to take control of God's role as judge, but it's not up to us to play God.  Revenge not only puts us in God's chair, it often has nasty consequences because it is taken out of a sense of anger and with the idea that said person owes me.

If the believer is not to take revenge, then what must be done?

"Repay evil with good," says Paul.  Whoever is out to get you, if they are hungry, give them food, if they are thirsty, give them drink.  When you do, you heap burning coals on their heads.

That Paul's motivation in using the illustration of  burning coals is one of love should be fairly obvious.  What is not so obvious is the meaning.

For many years, I have pondered the words of one commentator about the heaping up of burning coals on the head.  This fellow told of how in ancient times if one allowed her cook fire to die out she would place a pan on her head and go about under the windows of her neighbours who would heap hot coals from their own cook fires in the pan.  From the goodness of her neighbours, the one whose fire went out would soon return home with coals enough to rekindle the fire and to spare.

By doing good to those who seek to wrong us, believers are demonstrating God's love by treating others in ways they do not deserve to be treated. In this, the believer is also cooperating with God to bring opportunity for the offender to be convicted of wrongdoing that they may turn to God in repentance and faith.

What does Paul tell his readers about real love? Real love is shown in attitudes and in actions.  We must show real love to one another and we must show real love to the world if the world is to believe.

Dr. Ron Sider tells the story of his uncle Jesse and aunt Lydia, whom, after five happy years of marriage and the birth of their second child, mental illness invaded their lives.  After years of struggling to care for his increasingly confused and disoriented wife, uncle Jesse had place her into a mental institution.  Doctors told him to start over, but not uncle Jesse, Lydia was part of him.   He chose to see the beautiful, wonderful woman she once was instead of the pitiful shell of a woman she tragically became.  For almost thirty years uncle Jesse made the two hour weekly drive.  In 1953, doctors proposed a lobotomy, with time and proper medication, Lydia was able to return home.  For three years, Jesse cared for her at home.  One day, however, Lydia became seriously ill.  It was due to the lobotomy that she was unable to feel the pain that would have queued an acute appendicitis.  Once a woman of faith, she became religiously indifferent through her illness.  Surprisingly, Lydia asked Jesse, "Would you pray for me?"  Jesse agreed, "Sure, I'll pray for you!"  The next day she died. (Adapted from Dr. Ronald J. Sider, Genuine Christianity)

Dr. Sider reveals that it was uncle Jesse's firm belief that love is a commitment and not merely a feeling. This love motivated his faithfulness over the course of the many years of his marriage.

To uncle Jesse, as well as, the apostle Paul, real love shows!  It shows in all our relationships.  Real love shows in our families.  Real love shows at work.  Real love shows in or testimony to the world.  It shows in our attitudes and our actions.

When your love is real, it shows in what you say and what you do.